New Year thoughts

Welcome, 2013! It’s hard to believe that 2012 is over. I don’t remember the years passing this quickly when I was a little girl. I was telling my husband the other day that I now see the truth in the old adage, “The days are long, but the years fly by”.  So what’s been going on?

Well, first and foremost, my amazing little boy turns 1 year old this Friday.  As I watch him make the transition from infant-hood to toddlerhood each day, I find that I am overwhelmed by all the thoughts and feelings running through my mind. At least once a day I find myself awestruck by the simple fact that I have a child. I look his face over and see both mine and Sam’s features and I can’t believe that he’s here…that he exists. Everything he does amazes me, even the simple act of pointing to an object!  He’s healthy, smart, beautiful, and I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what I have done to deserve such an amazing little boy.

Another feeling that I struggle with daily is fear. Is the baby gate up? Was that piece of chicken too big? Is the monitor on the right channel? Did I buckle him into his carseat? How will he react to Sam when he comes home from his deployment? What if Sam doesn’t come home from his deployment? How do I raise him to love and respect everyone in such a hateful world? How do I keep from letting him down?  There are many things that I’m afraid of when it comes to Miles. I think the thing that scares me the most is the thought of losing him.  The thought of a world without him is inconceivable. But he’s so little and everything in the world is so dangerous and accidents happen all the time and I obviously know that I can’t ruminate over these thoughts my whole life, but the fear is still there.  It’s really always in the back of my mind. I know part of those thoughts and feelings are what keeps him safe. They remind me to put the cover on the doggie door, and shut the lid to the toilet.

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So I live in a constant state of anxiety and extreme happiness. I guess this is parenthood.

Back to Milo’s upcoming 1st birthday.  Do all the years pass this fast? It seems like just yesterday I was enjoying a week’s stay in the extravagant Lester Naval Hospital with my tiny baby who could barely fit into a newborn size diaper.  He was so tiny and quiet and had this serious look on his face all of the time.  Before I knew it, he was growling. That scared me. Why is my 3 month old growling like a dog? Then a few weeks later he was laughing. I remember crying the first time I heard him laugh. I thought it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, and it’s still my favorite.  Soon after that he was sitting up, then dragging himself across the floor, then crawling, then babbling, then pointing, then a week or so ago, he tried (successfully) to walk! He is depending on real food now, and has stopped taking formula.

I just cannot believe how fast this first year has gone by.  It blows my mind.

Moving on to other current events…Sam and I have taken the first real step in our home buying process by getting preapproved for our first home loan! I am so excited about this part of our lives. We will finally have our very own place.  We will only be there for a few years, but it will be ours.  I got so excited the other day and decided to buy some adorable plates from Anthropologie for my future tea/book club meetings with all of my future awesome, interesting friends.

Photo from Anthropologie.com

Photo from Anthropologie.com

Aren’t they adorable? I’m very excited about this home buying thing! I can’t wait to decorate Milo’s room.

Since I’m on winter break from school, I have been able to knock some books off of my “to-read” list on goodreads! I finished Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.  I think that book is a must-read for everyone.  I am on to The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients by Dr. Irvin D. Yalom.  I really like his take on therapy and his advice that a therapist should not rely on one theory alone, but contour the therapy approach based on the patient.  There are tons more tidbits of advice that he offers in this book and I have a feeling I will be referencing this book throughout my counseling career.

Anyway, dinner is almost ready and I must feed my monster-baby. Happy New Year to all!

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2 thoughts on “New Year thoughts

  1. Amber, the years go by much faster as you get older. I am amazed that I am a grandfather, almost twice, that my oldest is walking, that Steph is about to pop herself, and that I am remarkably happy here in Florida, at the farm, because of my lovely bride. Right now, it doesn’t get any better than this.

    As far as Miles is concerned, keep in mind that you can’t protect him from everything, so when something happens (and it will – he is a boy), don’t blame yourself, and don’t be overly protective. Five kids have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that 1) you can leave kids in a parking lot in the car without no ones brain frying, as well as no one kidnapping the little ones (all someone would have to do was watch us for 10 minutes and the would decide they’d rather be in jail than take any one of us let alone all 5); 2) even a fall down the steps won’t kill a kid, as scary as it sounds (Yvonne drug Becky down the steps by her hair and look how she turned out…wait…maybe that’s a bad example); and 3) God has a way of protecting the vast majority of children, especially those whose parents trust in Him.

    So enjoy his life, and the lives of each of your children – you only goet one shot at them and before you know it, they’re all grown up. You are a wonderful mother, you can tell that in how happy Miles is.

    BTW, if you like fiction, I just read “The Testament” by John Grisham. It’s the third book I’ve read from Him and it was great. One day, when I grow up, I might write a book. Kiss my little boy for me and wish him a very happy birthday. Love!

    • Thanks, Dad! I needed to hear that. I just tried for an hour and a half to rock Milo to sleep and it ended, unsuccessfully, in frustration with me putting him in his crib to “cry it out”..an incredibly insensitive method that does not work. I am going to go back up there and cuddle him to sleep like I normally do.

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