I am officially stressed out.
I don’t think I’ve ever been like this. Not because I’ve been spoiled, but because I’ve always had such a positive outlook on life and I knew that “stress” was just something that other people let happen to them. I still believe that, but I have let it happen to me.
Here’s my deal: I am two and one half semesters away from completing my undergraduate degree, then I will go straight on to graduate school because it is nearly impossible to get a respectable job with a psychology degree with a concentration in marriage and family therapy. The thing is, I have this new baby. I thought I could jump back in to school with both feet, so I registered for a full 12 hour semester.
It’s kicking my butt.
I spend almost all of my time taking care of and playing with Milo. When he sleeps, I am doing homework. My house is suffering big time, and so is my poor husband, my nails, my dog, my body, and my life in general. Is this how it’s supposed to be?
What I mean is, is this really acceptable to people? Sacrificing your happiness, time with your family, caring for your mind and body, all for a piece of paper that says your smart in something, when in all actuality you only remember about 7% of what you learned? Is it really worth it?
This is just my personal experience. I really like to live life slowly. I like to slowly wake up in the mornings, enjoy a nice cup of coffee while I watch the news or read about it. Then I like to take a walk or workout, then a shower, then whatever else I want to do. All while holding Miles, of course. (Thank God that I have the option to live my life this way) Isn’t this how life should be? If this is how I am happy then shouldn’t I be doing what makes me happiest? Is it really worth it to sacrifice a few more stressful, unhappy years on a degree for a career that I am not even 100% sure I’m dedicated to anymore? I do want to be a marriage and family counselor, but stepping back and taking a look at my life, I am not sure how important it rates anymore. It used to be the thing that I lived for, my purpose in life! Now I have these people that I have to take care of and nurture and I’m just going to be adding more in a few years, and how can I take care of them if I’m not taking care of myself?
Coming from me, this is all so dramatic. Haha. I am cracking up at the amount of feeling and emotion in this post, but I really am asking myself all these questions and I’m going through a serious priority shift and having a hard time finding the right place for everything. Right now Miles is first, school is second and everything after that is all jumbled up. But I’m not happy this way. I just don’t feel super dedicated to school anymore and I feel like it doesn’t deserve such a high spot on my list of priorities right now.
If this is life, then this sucks. Should it suck? I don’t know, I guess it depends on who you are and what your priorities are. For me, I don’t think life should suck and I don’t believe in sacrificing happiness for anything. Now I just need to make a few decisions for myself, and they are going to require some time, but that’s hilarious, because I don’t have any time. Hahahahahahaha. I’m going nuts.