Just wasn’t feeling it this year

I don’t know if it was the fact that this was my first Christmas without my mommy, or that I am about 40 weeks pregnant and considering performing my own at-home C-section, or that I’m on a sub-tropical island, but Christmas was just not the same this year.  I mean, Sam and I had a good time eating Christmas dinner together and opening each other’s presents and what-not, but something was just really off.  I missed Louisville.  I missed the cold weather, going to the Oxmoor Mall then going over to Whole Foods to get a yummy muffin.  I missed having Christmas Eve at my in-laws, then going to my Momma’s for Christmas morning.  I missed getting Sam, Sarah, and Josh (Sam’s best friend from Louisville) and doing our Christmas tradition – finding a bar, any bar, to unwind in from the previous 2 days.  I am being a baby, I know, but I have come to realize that these things are really important to me.  I love traditions and I love spending the holidays with my family.  Sam could go without any of it.  He’s had to plenty of times before because of deployments, so I think he has found some effective way of detaching himself from things like that.  I wish he’d tell me his secret.  Well, on the other hand, I’d prefer to not have a black heart.  Haha..I’m only kidding, but it is amazing how he can turn off those kinds of things. I haven’t decided, yet, if it’s a good or bad thing.

39 weeks and 4 days.  Tomorrow is my 40 week appointment and I am seriously considering asking to be induced at my 41 week mark.  I am doing a lot of research on it tonight, and so far, I am not liking what I see.  I know that induction is not good for anyone.  The baby will come when he is ready.  I am kind of praying that my doctor says “no” to me, but I seriously doubt he will.  So far, Miles has dropped and I am feeling very mild cramps every now and then, nothing too painful.  But that has been going on for a week now. Blah…

Welp, I guess I’m going to wrap this up! I need to work on a few things for my Etsy shop (a cute ear warmer, kindle sleeve, and a big, yummy cowl) and read my book.  I am currently reading Under the Banner of Heaven.  It’s a book my sister-in-law recommended to me a long time ago and my father-in-law just finished it, so I thought I’d jump on the wagon, too.  It’s about Mormon Fundamentalism and the crazies who follow along.  Good night!

6 thoughts on “Just wasn’t feeling it this year

  1. I just read your blog and am feeling your pain. I feel your pain in these changes. Changes bring both loss and gain. The loss will make the gain so much sweeter. It is very hard to let some things go. I try to always remember that nothing new and wonderful can come into my life unless I am willing to part with something old. While you may lose some traditions, you are gaining new ones. Next Christmas, you won’t feel this way. As for your 40 week mark, do what you think is best. I complained to my doctor and he induced Ali. I regretted that later, but only when I had Zachary and labor started in his own time (through a C-section due to breach). Ali’s labor was forced and violently fast. Zachary’s was gradual and more natural. Remember that only thing you may get of what you want is the safe delivery of your baby and that is entirely good and wonderful. Rather than focusing on how he gets here, daydream about him being in your arms and let God take care of the rest. Meanwhile, walk and have sex. Don’t drink castor oil no matter who tells you to do it. (I know.) I love you and am following you on your every word!

    • Thanks, Aunt Yvonne! I am not going to drink castor oil, I promise!! It sounds horrible and I know there are risks for baby. I have decided to just have patience from now until the 4th and to remember that God knows what He’s doing. One more week and I will be holding my baby boy!

  2. To Clarify: I had Zachary through C-section due to breach. His labor began as it was supposed to on a date that I predicted months before.

  3. Actually, the baby will not necessarily come when he is ready. James’s cousin was 2 weeks overdue when she finally went into labor. A few hours in, they noticed the baby wasn’t moving. He had died, they suspect, from waiting so long. So I wouldn’t look at induction as such as bad thing. Many babies have been born this way and neither the mother or them have had problems from it. You are overthinking it! Never look up a procedure online when a doctor tells you it may be necessary. You will just freak yourself out. Haha.

    • Well that was a special situation. A pregnancy is supposed to last 40-42 weeks and baby normally shows up somewhere in between those two weeks. It’s just that here in America, we are so used to having what we want, when we want it so Dr.’s and women schedule C sections and elective inductions to get the baby out at 40 weeks when the baby may not be ready to come yet. I feel sorry for James’ cousin, but that is definitely a special situation. I know it’s not all bad, but I really want a non-medicated birth, it’s so important to me, so I am praying that the foley bulb works its magic!!

  4. Awww I just read this post and feel sad for you. Well I’m sure your over it now but still..

    By the Christmas just wasn’t the same without you. Love you guys!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s