Reasons to NEVER purchase a Roomba

I thought about purchasing one of those Roomba vacuums for my home in Japan since it is all hard wood floors.  I sweep every morning, which takes me about 10 minutes, and mind you, I have a huge house.  After spending some time at my in-laws home with a Roomba I have decide against it and am planning on joining the idea committee for the iRobot company to come up with a more suitable name for the Roomba: The Black Devil.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. Remember when your Grandma or Mom would vacuum very early in the morning? Well, imagine hearing that sound for 2 straight hours while you are trying to sleep, enjoy your morning coffee, eat breakfast, watch the morning news, etc…

2.  I constantly have to play superman for this darn Roomba. It never fails, every morning, it gets stuck somewhere, under a bed, tangled up in wires…whatever. Most days I just leave it there, but then that means Debbie will come home and say “Rosie (Roomba’s name) didn’t do her job!” Then that crappy 2 hours is repeated later in the day when I am even more tired and cranky.

3.  Keiko (the puppy Shiba) likes to pee on the hard wood floor sometimes. He’s getting better, but still has some accidents. Rosie Roomba must think her wheels are getting a bath or something because she will run over the pee spot numerous times dragging dog urine through the entire house, creating even more of a mess.

4.  “beep boop beep – OPEN ROOMBA’S BRUSH CAGE AND CLEAN ROOMBA’S BRUSHES.”  Clean your own darn brushes, ROBOT!! You are supposed to be here so we can be lazy! Instead, you take 2 hours to do a 10 minute job, and most days you suck at it.

5.  Roomba does not know how to open a door, but it knows how to close one.  Guess what! If you’re not home to rescue Roomba, then Roomba spends the day in the bathroom…and dies.

6.  Roomba requires all floors to be free of debris.  So you have to clean so Roomba can clean.  Why don’t you just spend 10 minutes finishing the job yourself and save yourself almost $300?

7.  “beep boop beep – OPEN ROOMBA’S BRUSH CAGE AND CLEAN ROOMBA’S BRUSHES.”  Did I mention this happens once every 45 minutes or so? More often when your dog is shedding.

8.  I am supposed to be writing a paper for school right now.  Instead I am making this list. Why? Because my brain is too numb from hearing a vacuum for the past hour to concentrate on anything else.

If you are never home and honestly do not have time to go over your floors with a broom once a day (this is really a 5 to 10 minute job, unless you own a mansion, and if you are making it longer than 10 minutes, then the problem obviously lies with the sweeper) then Roomba might be a good investment. But I warn you, you will come home to that thing at least 5 times a week to find it locked in the bathroom, or lost under a bed, or that it just plain died for no good reason in the middle of the floor, or GOD FORBID YOU WERE NOT THERE TO OBEY ITS COMMANDS AND CLEAN OUT ITS BRUSHES!! Save yourself $300 and instead buy one of those nice long brooms, the ones they clean with at the supermarket, and spend 10 minutes a day sweeping your own floors.  If you decide to go ahead and buy a Roomba, go ahead and buy that big long broom while your at it, because you will be mad when you find you have to go back over what Roomba was supposed to clean with one of those tiny, crappy straw brooms.

The Black (& Silver) Devil

If you are happy with your Roomba then it is for one of three reasons: 1) You spent $300 on the darn thing and that fact blinds you from seeing Roomba as the slacker that it is. 2) You have no furniture or socks or phone chargers. In fact, you live in a completely empty house.  3) You are a compulsive cleaner and you enjoy constantly sweeping and the sound of a vacuum is like music to your ears.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!


6 thoughts on “Reasons to NEVER purchase a Roomba

    • How nice to hate a product simply because of one simple biased review. I, as a pet owner, am looking to purchase a Roomba and when reading this, see these as nothing but excuses. There are so many holes in these flawed excuses one is better off reading the reviews on than taking this as gospel.

      • I am sorry that my review was not helpful. It was meant to be a humorous post, which is something you clearly missed. This is my truthful experience with the Roomba, though. I think it takes way too long to do its job and I am constantly having to do maintenance on it, so, to me, it’s not worth the money. I’d rather sweep and vacuum my floor, which is what I do now. It takes about 5 minutes versus the 2 hours Roomba takes to clean and I don’t have to go looking for my Dyson at the end of the day! Good luck with your Roomba, I know many people love theirs, but this is a product I could live without. Maybe you should stick to Amazon when reading product reviews instead of a personal blog, although I have found some Amazon reviews to be quite humorous as well, so watch out for that!

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